The Man Who Has It All

A college student who wanted to be an engineer.

A player who wanted to steal my first kiss then run bases.

An architect who didn’t know how to be a man.

A young teenager who didn’t know how to treat a lady.

A lonely soul who used sex as a vacation from depression.

An arrogant son-of-a-gun who couldn’t get his life together.

A handsome lad who rode his motorcycle to work in the summer.

A paramedic who spoke of science and I believed in art.

A person I once thought could have been everything.

 

There have been multiple chapters in the past few years, some felt like entire books at the moment while others were a mere page. But, with the passing of time it has occurred to me that all these past demons were never truly deserving of the ink marks I’ve left on paper. If we are being honest, there have been nights I’ve tossed and turned to the rhythm of a breaking heart and days where my notebook could have caught on fire from the friction of the speed of the pen. I used to giggle and roll my eyes when people said one could die of a broken heart, even when science started to prove that theory correct - until I was on the receiving end. There were moments I gasped for air, then proceed to teach myself how to breathe again. There was a period in time, I waltzed through life, living just to live rather than choosing to be happy. I constantly told myself that with due time, I would be able to let go and move on, that I had to be patient, for all good things come to those who wait.

Love is worth the wait. Love is worth every single heartache you go through. Love is deserving of all the parts of me that I have to give. Love is everything that makes us whole. Love is surely worth the wait.

To find a man, not a boy, but a man who sees more than just my skin and into my soul is a blessing. I spend countless hours trying to figure out if it is a hoax. Sometimes it seems too good to be true. Our love is raw, it is passionate, it is real, it is forgiving, it is romantic, and it is warmth. It is the light I have been waiting for. It is the one I read about in books, watched in movies, and the story I believed to only exist in my head after being let down many times. It is what makes me so weak in the knees, yet, I feel more fearless and dauntless than ever. It is what gives me hope, transforms me into the flower that was covered in snow, and shows me how full a heart can be when it is treated properly. It is the closest thing to flying and magic.

Science may never be able to prove if true love exists or if love at first sight is a real thing, and I can’t quite tell you if I believe in soulmates, but I believe in our love. I believe in the moments he wakes up and leans over to say “good morning,” and when he gives me most of the blanket. I believe in his laughter and how his eyes light up when he tells me I’m beautiful, and when he holds my hands when he drives. I believe in his forehead kisses and the way he listens to my stories with an open heart and an open mind. I believe in the way he makes my soul laugh and my heart glisten, and how he makes me want to be better. I believe in his ability to mend, to let go, to move forward, and strive to be more. I believe in his walk, in his talk, and the enchantment in his soul. I believe in the times we sit there in silence, yet, conversations are constantly flowing. I believe him when he tells me he’ll keep me afloat when I can’t swim. I believe in the safety of his arms and the serenity of his voice. I believe in our strength. I believe in him. I believe in us.

Love is him waking up in the middle of the night to turn the lights on when I need the bathroom. Love is going into the kitchen and getting me a glass of water when I’m thirsty. Love is when he makes me cups of hot tea when I’m in bed sick. Love is him letting me sleep in during the mornings even when we should be up early. Love is loving again, even when we have both been hurt, but we love harder than we ever did.

Thus, I believe in waiting for the one who makes you feel as if you need an additional heart to hold all the love you have for them. I believe that real love is worth the wait, for this is what I've been waiting for.